AND TO GET AN ALWAYS ON TOP FEATURE I HAD TO INSTALL SOME FUCKING PROGRAMME FROM THE INTERNET. GNOME HANDLES THAT SHIT BY DEFAULT? WHAT THE FUCK?

So two or three days ago I bought a new computer.

Things My New Computer Can Do That My Old One Can’t

  • Stay on when unplugged for more than twenty minutes

Things My New Computer Can’t Do That My Old One Can

  • Run NetHack in the shell. Seriously – I can’t “install Rosetta” because I thought the whole deal with fucking Apple computers is they are good to go out of the box and you don’t need to do a big install disk thing to get the software you want. Even the Dell desktop my Dad bought ran everything out of the box. And seriously, NetHack? We’re not talking crazy complicated shit here.
  • Record from the soundcard. It doesn’t have a mic input. So much for my credible music career. I thought buying a mac would confirm me as an artist? This sucks.
  • Score me mad babes. Man, when I had my Linux laptop babes would fucking die to listen to me tell them about my operating system and watch me run ‘ls’ on a directory or two. Now they don’t even come near me even though my computer is a million times shinier.

linux is better than anything else

Fuck this, I should probably take this piece of shit back to the shop.

while i was writing this i looked at the time on my mac and it said 4:20, to which i thought “bro, it’s 4:20 all the time for me” and took a hit of my massive dragon bong.

I haven’t blogged on sleep500 lately, mainly because I a) have been busy dealing with the traumatic experience that since December I was not on ’school holidays’ but actually ‘the rest of my life’ and b) have been posting stuff on my Tumblr blog, which is less cool shit about blow jobs and more complaining and pictures of the universe that really ‘get me’/kittens/Lady Gaga.

In addition to Tumblr I have this thing that kind of goes hand in hand with it, called FormSpring, which is a forum for people to leave you anonymous messages re: you, them and “how many drugs have you taken lol”. But sometimes you get questions asked that make it kind of worthwhile, like stuff about porn stars! I thought this would be relevant to sleep500’s interests, since you all love a good tag team fucking.

Dear Katie, As a hip young thing and, more importantly, an intelligent young woman, what are your thoughts on Sasha Gray (the ‘new breed’ of pornstar)?

I actually watched a video of Sasha Gray so I could try answer this well (not that I have answered it well at all). I don’t have a PROBLEM with porn, I just don’t watch it, because I don’t have the urge to and because every time I’ve watched it I can’t get past how overwhelmingly fake it is. I guess guys are too busy focusing on their dicks to bother with the “OH. OH. OHHHH. FUCK. Oh.” apathetic ~outside voices~ the girls use.

Sasha Gray freaked me out a bit, I watched some video where two guys fucked her at once. When they both had their dicks in her vag (they started off one in each hole but I guess that wasn’t extreme enough) she looked directly into the camera saying things like “Oh. Baby. I am dirty.” completely monotone. It mainly just left me worried for her mental well being. In her mind she probably sees it as some kind of weird feminism – she’s being fucked and dominated by creepy guys in a pretty demeaning way, but she’s still in control of the camera and it’s hard to stop looking at her intense dead sex eyes. She’s a fierce independent woman with cum in her eye. I think that’s what she’s going for.

I’m not really sure where this is going. Porn is fucking weird. I think meeting Sasha Gray would be pretty interesting though, and seeing how she acts with a cup of tea in her mouth instead of a dick.

PS. Does it make me a real journalist because I did research? After the Sasha Grey video I watched a huge bald guy get his WHOLE HEAD in some chick’s vag. I didn’t really have any journalistic intentions while watching it, but that shit is messed up. If you want to watch it, I think it was called something like ‘man attempts to re-enter womb’.

SERIOUSLY, I WAS JUST CHECKING OUT ON MY WEBMASTER TOOL THINGS AND SOMEONE HAD LEFT ME A PRESENT

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

ONCE I READ A BOOK THAT MENTIONED IN PASSING THAT “ONLY GIRLS THAT WENT OUT WITH [NOTORIOUS ALPHA-MALE] SAID, ‘CHECK.’” I’M PRETTY SURE THAT WAS THE ONLY MENTION OF THAT CHARACTER IN THE ENTIRE BOOK. THE REST OF IT WAS ABOUT SUBMARINES IN WWII.

checklist

THE BEST THING ABOUT BLOWJOBS

The Best Thing About Blowjobs:

    Spit.

the best thing about blowjobs

2 REASONS TO STUDY BEAUTY

2 Reasons To Study Beauty:

    To achieve total enlightenment/nirvana; passes time.

2 reasons to study beauty and bonus michael jackson cut

FUCKING READ THIS SHIT BUT PROBABLY DON’T DO IT AT UNI OR WORK. OR DO, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK.

This morning I spent $3000 of not-quite-my money.

This evening I read this and nearly died laughing.

I’m trying to share it everywhere so just bear with me.

3 THINGS TO PURSUE TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE

3 Things To Pursue To Make The World A Better Place:

    Empathy; communication; literacy.

P.S. I hate hippies.
3 things to pursue to make the world a better place

4 REASONS WHY LISTENING TO OTHER PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THEIR SEX LIVES IS LIKE LISTENING TO THEM TALK ABOUT THEIR DREAMS

4 Reasons Why Listening To Other People Talk About Their Sex Lives Is Like Listening To Them Talk About Their Dreams:

    It’s boring; the stories generally go on for way too long; it’s better on the Internet; you always feel like interrupting with, “This’d be better if you could show me.”

4 Reasons Why Listening To Other People Talk About Their Sex Lives Is Like Listening To Them Talk About Their Dreams

5 REASONS WHY PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES ARE SCUM

5 Reasons Why Pharmaceutical Companies Are Scum:

    They don’t actually give a fuck about sick people; they only fund studies to support and publicize their products; they misrepresent findings/statistics from said studies; they pay doctors to prescribe their drugs; they promote specialised solutions over general ones (their drug instead of a balanced diet, regular exercise and sleep).

5 reasons pharmaceutical companies are scum