IN WHICH I DISCOVER I AM A JEWISH VEGETARIAN WITH A TOOTHPASTE-BUKKAKE FETISH
This morning I was feeling particularly happy about being home so I went down to the butchers and bought a kilo of their Award Winning streaky bacon and the other ingredients essential to an English Breakfast. Anyway, the food part isn’t that exciting.
After cleaning up with Dove I got down to chilling on the internet. I leant on one of my hands and was like, “Gross! I fucking smell like bacon grease!” I got up and washed my hands, which didn’t do shit for some reason. So I brushed my teeth and instead of spitting the minty foam into the sink, I spat it on my hands and pretended it was soap.
I was so interested by this that I forgot to re-smell my hands afterwards.
I hate the smell of bacon or ham on my hands. Am I secretly a Jew? Life is so confusing.
Washing your hands did not work because water plus oil does not work. That is why oil spills are bad, because it is hard to clean penguins, even though they are surrounded by water.
WTF DUDE?!?!?!??!?!!!!!?
Bacon is one of the best smelling things ever. You have a problem if you don’t like that delicious satisfying greasy baconeeness.
Sooooo. I suppose your next post is gonna bitch about garlic? DONT DO IT. GARLIC IS MY LIFE