OH SHIT I FORGOT A TITLE OH NO QUICK, GET CANNED GOODS AND WATER AND ALL THAT STUFF. SHOW NO MERCY.
Today I read the front page of the paper and I was stunned.
THE ZOMBIE EPIDEMIC IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.
“Swine flu” is what they are calling it. People are getting sick and it is super contagious and soon EVERYONE will be a zombie except for maybe a couple of people who are immune because they have genes from the dinosaur end of the gene pool and can eat rat poison and pretend it is those aniseed lollies that are kind of gross (the pink ones).
Things To Do In Preparation For The Zombie Takeover:
- Find a weapon.
- Good weapons include: Shotgun, scythe, axe, long pole-arm type weapon.
- Get supplies
- Get them before the zombies take over. This is important.
- Escape
- Go rural, less population density means FEWER ZOMBIES.
- Try to get to an oil rig with lots of food.
- Zombies can’t swim. You can fish for food. What powers oil rigs? Generators. What do generators run on? Oil. Oil Rig.
Yes I read the Zombie Survival Guide but it is long and you guys need information NOW.
No images because THERE IS NO TIME.
fuck you I like those aniseed lollies
OMG we should go to my house!! I hear zombies can’t swim.
Zombies can walk – they’d walk under the water and up the hill and then they would be no stopping them. Not even Jacquie could stop the undead advance.
dood this shit is trippin. lets all find a mall and just camp out there. grab shopping trollies, bats, cds, and all dat shit and use em as weapons. we will fuck them up.
Bazza? ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED? DID YOU NOT WATCH ALL OF THOSE MALL ZOMBIE MOVIES? THEY EVEN MADE A GAME ABOUT THEM.
My advice is go rural because less people means fewer zombies (the idea is that people turn into zombies, just in case anyone was missing out on that one).
the zombie survival guide is fucking awesome but no-one bothers to read it because it’s "just too long" and because everyone is turning into one of those people that puts "books are boring" in the books section of their myspace page.
FRANKLY THESE PEOPLE DESERVE SWINE FLU.
it’s because they only read tweets nowdays.