Ok, so yesterday I changed my name on fckbk to “Zach is Confirmed.” Fckbk are really lame about taking social networking seriously because they are run by the FBI. Apparently fckbk delete your profile if they decide you have changed your name to someone you aren’t. This is bullshit. You should not accurately represent yourself on a social networking site because the Internet is forever and so are the party pics that your kids/employer/parents will see. It is your duty to lie to the Internet AS FREQUENTLY AND AS EXTENSIVELY AS POSSIBLE.

What you can do right now to help is:
1) Go to your fckbk/myspaz/bebo
2) Edit your account settings so you have a different name.
3) Put some outlandish lies in your profile.
4) Upload some pictures of random people (use google images) and pretend they are you/your friends.
5) Write some blogs/notes/status updates/wall posts/idk what Bebo has about a fictional event you attended.
6) Pretend that you stabbed someone and had to go on a “hunting trip” to the West Coast for a couple of days.
7) Invent a drug-deal and talk about it openly.
8) Try to sell something. That will fuck them off.
9) Change your website to http://sleep500.com THIS IS LIKE ADVERTISING, BUT FOR ME!
10) Make some .gifs of brutal shit (or just google them) and upload them.
11) Write a giant confession (it has to be semi true) and then put it somewhere really public. By now your profile should be not much like you and you will fully get away with it. It should also generate some interest.
12) Go and troll someone’s profile. It should either be: Someone with heaps of friends and a RIDICULOUS profile OR an (x) band. People that post really hilarious bulletins on myspaz are perfect for this.
13) Print Screen some bulletins and email them to zach(at)sleep500(dot)com – I love that shit.
14) Oh yeah, this should be, like, point 3 or 4, but I have already written them: Learn some html by heart, especially font size=+5 and font color=(html code or basic colour. You have to use American spelling)
15) Use a different email. I like to make ones at mail.com because you can choose your domain name. For instance, glynmaclean@TheRapist.com is my choice of spam inbox. P.S. THE INTERNET IS SERIOUS BUSINESS.
16) Remember to indiscriminately add people.
17) If you are using fckbk, make sure you have heaps of retarded apps. My favourite is the pokeymanz one but I am sure there are plenty more.
18) Join some lame groups on fckbk and just troll those fags.

I think I have about a week before I get deleted. I remember when I got deleted off myspaz (before it got big) for being too awesome. FUCK YOU, TOM. I KNOW YOU ARE JUST RUPERT MURDOCH’S PRIVATE ACCOUNT AND YOU ARE ALL ABOUT THEM 14-18 YEAR-OLD SCENESTERS. ALL UP IN THEIR PICTURES LOOKING AT THE MISCHIEF THEY GOT UP TO ON THE WEEKEND. HOPEF THERE WILL BE SOME SEMI-NUDITY AND I KNOW YOU HAVE ALL OF THE “INAPPROPRIATE” PHOTOS SENT TO A PRIVATE SERVER FOR YOU AND YOUR CRONIES BEFORE THEY GET DELETED.

I FUCKING KNOW IT.

P.S. for fckbk, you should update your status as often as you can with “[Insert false name] is getting logged by the FBI.”

Written by: Zach.
Tags: fckbk.