Have you kids heard about furries? They are old news on the internet and this one time I read about them in The Press, so they are probably sort of mainstream by now – I am not really sure because I either spend all of my time on aeroplanes because I am a motherfucking jetsetter, or inside in the dark with the blinds closed like this legorobot comic.

Furries are kiddies who believe that they are actually animals inside and dress up in costumes of their animals called “fur suits” and fuck each other. There are certain factions of furries who get really strict on inter-species breeding. These furries are called “Paradise Partners” after Paradise ducks and other animals who only screw one other animal for the duration of their lives.

A new fetish/lifestyle choice that is beginning to surface is the love of automobiles. This is the postmodern response to furries. Whereas furdom has its roots in nature, automobile-locomotophiliacs, or ALOMOs, have their roots in the urban environment. Although some scholars assert that the automobile is actually an invention of modernity that became part of postmodern commodity culture, the fact that the automobile is not anthropomorphic is definitive proof of the postmodern nature of the ALOMO.

This retarded advertisement shows us the mainstream nature of ALOMOism and also raises some other interesting points about automobiles:

Who the fuck needs a 40GB hardrive in a car? But anyway this is the edited version of the advertisement. This is like the “made-for-television” cut of The Strangers. The full length version of this advertisement is a Blu-ray porno that will get you shot at customs in the US. The one-and-a-half hour long single scene includes the chick scissoring the drinks holder, grinding the tow-bar and, perhaps most controversially, deep-throating the gearstick while watching the second presidential debate and pulling an anal-bead string made out of the remote unlocking part of the keys with the broken-off indicator stick thing in her vag.

Written by: Zach.
Tags: advertisement, furry, porn.