What’s that? You’re turning off my series of tubes?
I’m getting pretty sick of the internet.
Not sick of it in an “oh man I’ve been everywhere on the internet, there’s nothing left to do but read outdated webcomics and pwn the same people in 1337 games” way, more in a
“WHAT?! WHY ARE YOU TURNING MY INTERNET OFF?! YAY IT’S BACK ON!OH NO, PEOPLE ARE TAKING FACEBOOK SERIOUSLY?! CIVILISATION 4 ISN’T EVEN THAT GOOD!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAUGHT ME HACKING IN COUNTER-STRIKE!?” way.
Recently, this happened to me.
I only found this email after attempting to use my internet at home and getting redirected to a page of a big red frowny face, saying “Your account has been temporarily suspended”
This made me mad, because:
I don’t play strategy games, because A: they suck. So this wasn’t even for me.
And: Xnet are a bunch of little bitches. If they get a letter threatening them under USA law (yeah, USA LAW, NOT NZ) then they will suspend your account. They won’t contact you directly by phone like they say the will. I rang them up, and got put onto some nerdy tech kid, who proceeded to tell me that if they got any more letters from grumpy people halfway across the other side of the world, they will ban me permanently from their internets. Great way to keep customers, huh? Oh and if I own a copy of this game/music/program and I download a copy since mine got scratched/broken, is this download illegal as I actually have bought the game at some stage? I don’t own anything like this, but I feel it would be a good excuse.
I also got banned from Counter-Strike, as some faggy mod decided I had been cheating, as I win ALL THE TIME, and am way better than everyone else. I hope Mr Obama doesn’t get banned from the White House, I’m pretty sure they have the same sort of policy where you get cut if you’re way better than everyone else at things, which he clearly is.
At least my main man, tech guru John Key knows what the hell is up about the series of pipes we call the interwebs.
If you scroll about halfway down the page in this speech here: http://www.national.org.nz/Article.aspx?ArticleID=12143
You can see that he knows all about this new thing all the kids are on about.
“I’m not talking about broadband speeds as we know them now. I’m talking about download and upload speeds many, many times faster than most Kiwis have ever experienced.”
“I want New Zealand to be linked by a network of fibre that ensures almost all premises – be they small businesses, schools, or households – can be linked into the main fibre grid with fibre right to their door”
“With a fibre network like the one I aspire to, New Zealanders would be able to download and upload data from the Internet at lightning-fast speeds. Workers would be able to telecommute with ease. Video-conferencing could happen between seven people in seven parts of the country at once.”
oh god!? 7 people!!!! 7 parts of the country?!!??! WITH EASE, YOU SAY?!!!!!
“Right now, most of us still depend on a copper wire of varying lengths, depending on where we live, to link us up to the main fibre network. That copper line may have been up to the job a decade ago, but in 2008 it looks like a dirt track when compared to the fibre highways we could be using. It just can’t carry enough data fast enough to service the latest cutting-edge Internet applications.”
From this I think I have learned that: NZ is going to be linked together, held together if you will, by a network of nutritious fibre, the kind that doesn’t taste good but the people at Weet-Bix reckon it’s a must for a healthy diet. Also if your connection breaks, there will be a grid of fibre right next door so you don’t have to miss out on your daily intake.
Also: we will be ablo to upload and download at exactly the speed of lightning, approximately 186,000 miles per hour, idk how this relates to data speeds but it sounds like I’m going to be able to upload all the legal copies of games and music I own much quicker, chur John.
And: COPPER WIRE IS NOT JUST CONFINED TO ONE LENGTH: YOU CAN HAVE ANY LENGTH YOU WAAAAAAAANT
tl;dr: I need to get better at internet, can one of Y’ALL pleeease let me know how to not get banned from everything, and how to get lightning fast speeds? Actually if you have ANY LIFE ADVICE AT ALL, please leave a comment or email me, I’m scared I might get perma-banned from life.
Oh and vote national if you want leaders that know about tech shit.
Is saying Y’all cool? I’ve noticed Zach has started doing it as a result of reading to much HRO, maybe I should start doing it too.
We’re havin issues with Xnet, so are a lot of other people I know. Promise a lot but they don’t seem to deliver much
dont vote national, vote greens so that we have sustainable communication through smoke signals
Oh gawd I feel like I work for Xnet… A few years ago when Xnet was created, they only allocated themselves a certain amount of international bandwidth. They now have a larger customer base than they expected, and they are attracting too many customers that only want the most traffic they can get for the lowest price. They cannot afford to buy more bandwidth, hence why Xnet is so freaking slow at the moment. There isn’t really shit they can do about it.
VOTE GREENS