As you all know, geeks are the people that run our lives. This was not true a couple of years ago but as our dependence on the Internet increases, so does our dependence on geeks. With this in mind, it would be a good life choice to get to know and understand geeks better. I will focus on hot geeks because that is what interests me.

I used the Google and discovered that the mainstream media has very little idea of what constitutes a hot geek. I think they kind of get “hot,” and I think they have some understanding of the concept of “geek,” but when you combine the two terms you don’t get shit.

Proof:

HOT:

Yeah, I guess this is pretty hot. I edited this image because it wasn’t work-safe. I hate it when Google filters my search results but occasionally it can be problematic (read: fun).

GEEK:

This has nothing to do with geeks at all. Everyone who owns a cellphone can read this. Actually, anyone with a basic grasp of the Latin alphabet can replace numbers with letters in their heads. This shirt would be better if it were all written in Linear B. You thought that I was going to say Binary. No. Binary is what computers use – not geeks. Geeks are more alternative than people who organise their social circles around a few buzz bands. Linear B is the altest language ever. Scene kids, listen up.

LINEAR B:

GET ON IT.

HOT GEEK:

This is not a geek girl at all. Geeks don’t actually use that cellotape/masking tape for the glasses – they get new glasses. Geeks own the server that sleep500 is on, and they make heaps of fucking money off Goss and me – they just ring up their optometrist and go, “Hi, Mike. Yes I need another pair. Have the chauffeur knock twice and leave them on the doorstep. No, I do not want to accompany you to Pharrell’s bachelor pad. He is going to pick me up after his gig. Yes, I am a big deal. Goodbye.”

I just looked at the picture again and that girl hasn’t done a very impressive job of dressing herself. Geeks stay away from gimmicks like cleavage.

For some reason there is a large misconception that girls wearing t-shirts like these are geeks. This is incorrect. These girls are consumers of geeks. If you start going out with a child molesterer, it does not make you a child molesterer (well, maybe it does by association if the molestering was happening whilst you were there. I don’t know much about the laws surrounding pedophilia). Long story short: This chick is not a geek.

HOT GEEK CHICK:

This is not a “hot geek chick.” This is Sasha Grey and she is a porn actress. Just because you put glasses on does not mean you are a geek. Also – why would this “geek” be in a classroom? Evidently she is too old for school and Sasha Grey is too much of a brat to be cast as a school teacher. The people who constructed this “How To” are guilty of spreading misinformation. Shame on them.

HOT GEEK GUY:

The media definitely have this one wrong. You can’t just take some guy who knows where the gym is, give him a personal trainer and some black-rimmed prescription glasses (prescription optional) and assume that he is a geek. It doesn’t work like that. Being a geek is a lifestyle choice just like being a ‘streamer or a pretentious fuckface (note: there are more choices than the three I just referenced. Don’t rage against me – rage against the machine). Geeks don’t give a fuck about bicep curls or bench presses or treadmills or the lamer gym with the lamer people and the lamer admission/subscription charges. A geek only exercises out of necessity. For instance, rather than biking (x) distance just for the feeling of burning in one’s legs a geek would bike to work or school or something. In fact, I have heard of people who aren’t geeks doing this. Fucking crazy, man.

Geeks don’t give a fuck about:
1) Television.
2) Automobiles.
3) Social Networking.
4) Making A Good Impression.
5) Meeting New/Exciting/Important People.
6) Your New Clothing Item.
7) Etc

Geeks do give a fuck about:
1) World of Warcraft.
2) Linear B
3) When You Go To A Website And The Entire Thing Is Flash, Fuck That Shit Is Lame.
4) Obscure Anime Forums.
5) Japan.
6) ???
7) Profit.

Yeah, this was meant to be a definitive post but this is a long way from being definitive. I guess life is just like that. This is part one of on-going research. Feel free to contribute. Don’t bother emailing me – I don’t really care about that. Use the comment function. Hmm, I just realised that I have embedded an image that is probably from a pornsite. We could be in for some spam like that GTA post. Oh, well.

I think this is a Fashion post.

Written by: Zach.
Tags: fashion, hot geeks, life lessons.