What up, kiddies? Right now I am trying to install Windows 3.11 on my laptop in a virtual machine. If I manage to get it to work I will post a handy tutorial because I haven’t found a good, comprehensive one written in the kind of English that I like to read.

While I do this I need you guys to be aware of some serious, serious stuff.

It has to do with contraception. Everyone takes or uses some form of contraception to regulate periods, to fit in with the cool kids, to piss your parents off, to lessen the risk of getting herpes or as a measure against having a kid when you aren’t ready for one. The contraception we are going to focus on is the pill.

100 million women worldwide use “THE PILL” (reference). We all know that the humble, little pill is actually where Sea Monkeys made all of their money in Puerto Rico in the ’50s and ’60s. Now they are an international enterprise and control all of the world’s oil. What happens when a chick takes the pill is the little Sea Monkey soldiers march on down to the egg and smash it to bits etc etc.

The Sea Monkeys are the little pink pills in the packet. They are kind of cool, but not as interesting as the little white guys that are in there with them. These pills are the pills that you take when you are meant to have your period. They don’t do anything to stop you getting pregnant in a chemical way – they are just there to ensure you don’t break the habit.

What these pills are is what is shocking. These pills are a bid by the companies who produce them to fill the world with special needs dieters and vegans.

This is a sleep500 exclusive on WHYYYYYYYYYY

The sugar pills are made out of lactose. This is a retarded idea. Heaps of people in this world are lactose intolerant. Do you make coffee? Every motherfucker and his/her kids and pets drink soy milk bowl lattes because having normal milk gives them diarrhea and makes them murder baby rabbits. They order bowl lattes because they want to fuck the Amazon rainforest by drinking more soy product.

In the US, 30-50 million people are lactose intolerant. (reference) This is about 10-15% of their population. Americans are Caucasian like most New Zealanders, so we can probably deduce that around the same percentage of New Zealanders are lactose intolerant. Heaps of those people are chicks and heaps of chicks take the pill, is what I am trying to say. If these chicks take the sugar pill they get fucked up. Don’t be saying, “But Zach, the sugar pill is pretty small. I don’t think it would really affect anyone.” The sugar pill is only a bit smaller than an E and you’ve seen/experienced/heard about what E does to people. Think about what taking an E a day for seven days in a row would do to you.

Another issue is that vegans cannot take the sugar pill. Lactose comes from dairy products and dairy products COME FROM ANIMALS!

So, evidently the pill companies want lactose intolerant and vegan people to have babies. This isn’t because they want to fill the world up with lactose intolerant people (lactose intolerance is not really genetic – my Mum is lactose intolerant and I’m not) or vegans (I don’t know how genetic veganism is). It is because they want these people to have babies when they are seventeen and therefore have hard lives and probably not make much money and buy houses that they probably can’t afford and borrow money to pay for the house they can’t afford then when the banks want their money back and can’t get it we get a recession.

THEY ARE CAUSING THE RECESSION.

Oh fuck, I was researching this and I have just realised that things were worse than I thought. I now see the bigger picture:

Between 30 and 50 million Americans are lactose intolerant and certain ethnic and racial populations are more affected than others. Up to 80 percent of African Americans, 80 to 100 percent of American Indians, and 90 to 100 percent of Asian Americans are lactose intolerant. The condition is least common among people of northern European descent. (reference)

THE PILL COMPANIES ARE RACISTS! FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING PIGS! INSTEAD OF TAKING THOSE FUCKING SUGAR PILLS I AM GOING TO BUY CHICKS THOSE REALLY YUMMY FRUIT LOLLIES THAT I LIKE! THEY ARE MADE OF FRUCTOSE AND NOT MANY PEOPLE ARE ALLERGIC TO THAT. WAIT, I WILL JUST GET THEM SOMETHING MADE OUT OF GLUCOSE BECAUSE NO ONE CAN BE ALLERGIC TO THAT.

So, fuck the pill companies and their racist, racist schemes.

Written by: Zach.
Tags: conspiracy, contraception, racist, vegan, vegetarian.