As your child enters into the age of technology, he will need many tools to interact with his chosen social group. Hopefully he won’t just sit at home playing WoW all day (if he does this, you can consider yourself a failed parent). Hopefully he will become one of the “cool kids” at his high school and then you can host “cool parties” at your home.

What better way to ensure he enters into this exclusive social network than start him off with a “Naughty Boy” cellphone? Armed with this and his faux-hawk (also known as bro-hawk) your boy will have the one up on the horde of other boys in the first two years of high school.

If your child is a girl and cannot carry on your family name, feel free to spend all of your time and attention on your son. If you only have a girl then you should spend the rest of your days spoiling her to ensure that she turns into a fucking brat who would be better off lying dead in a gutter somewhere than standing in front of me in the supermarket wearing fucking ugg boots in public. If you want your girl to grow up like this, why not consider investing in the “Benign Girl Super Telephone”? It encourages her to “Move the telephone” and “Imitate the true telephonevoice (sic).” All you need now is a cheap camcorder so she can film herself in the shower for the internets and complain when everyone finds out about it.

Written by: Zach.
Tags: benign girl, naughty boy, porn.