IN THE ON GOING SAGA TO PROMOTE CHRISTCHURCH TO THE INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY IN A BID TO SHOW EVERYONE HOW AWESOME IT IS / DON’T MOVE HERE BECAUSE THIS TOWN AIN’T BIG ENOUGH FOR YOUR BLOG AND MY BLOG.
The gang economy in Christchurch operates, as most (read: all) things in Christchurch operate, in a racially segregated manner. Christchurch is divided into three “races”: White trash, brown kids and non-specific Asian (because people in Christchurch can’t tell the difference anyway). Sticking closely to their respective stereotypes (this is the norm for Christchurch) the gangs operate a three-way economy.
- Dirty, whitetrash skinheads:
Methamphetamines - Smelly, lazy Maori/FOBs:
Weed - Really intelligent, but possessing no grace whatsoever, ever-encroaching tide of Asians:
Guns
Fuelled by a P, the whites and the browns fight to the death out on the streets with guns they buy off the Asians. After a week or so when they run out of supplies (can’t cook P while you’re on P, go figure) they smoke the pot from the forest and national park land owned by the Ngai Tahu. The instability is introduced by more race-hate. When the whites/brown get bored they go cruising for some sweet head units and automobile-mounted DVD players. They get these from the Asians’ cars. This pisses off the Asians and they raise prices:
“Ok, my car got ripped off last weekend so today I only have .22 and Glock, infrated 200%.”
“Aw, bro! Stink, bro!”
“Well, if you want shoot cracker dees weekend you got pay for it because I’m going to have drive my udder RX-7. Wan without DVD prayer. I trust you understand why I have to laise plices.”
“Nah, bro. I jus’ need a .9, cuz. Have a toke of this, bro.”
“Weed is for rosers.”
“FUCK YOU, GOOK – I’LL JUST MAKE A SHIV OUT OF SOME OLD FURNITURE OR SOMETHING.”
“By arr means. Just don’t come around here or I’ll bro your razy ass back to Samoa.”
“FUCK YOU, SLIT-EYED, RACIST, PIECE-OF-SHIT NIP!”
What is the moral of this post?
- A) Racism makes the world go ’round?
- B) Zach is racist.
- C) I ate a Chupa-Chup for the first time in a while from this bag of them I bought for really cheap but it was kind of too sweet and now I feel a bit sick and my mouth feels gross.
- D) Being racist makes you a piece of shit.
- E) Where the white women at?
…..
I’m never visiting New Zealand.
There you have it, folks.
Economy = fucked.
To be fair, i think New Zealand’s economy is always going to be fucked, especially when the main export to the world is Flight of the Conchords and the Sleep500 blog. There isn’t much of anything to note besides that.
Coat hanging on a shoddy peg, indeed.
-Your faithful, but ever concerned Scottish reader
my mum said today that the recession is over so now i can get a job. hamish confirmed this
Hipsters with jobs?
Don’t you have a trust fund like everybody else?
You should turn this into a movie, Spike Lee stylez
@scotty: LOL