SLEEP500 » games

PEOPLE IN THE RATINGS SCHEME THING DON’T GET THE GAME FOR SOME REASON SO IGNORE THEM

Zach — Thu, 12 May 2011 23:56:02 +0000

This morning I played Alphaland by Jonas Kyratzes and if you have ten minutes you should too.

Auntie Pixelauntie posted about it so much of my enjoyment has been informed by her piece. I suggest watching the minus world youtube thing before playing Alphaland and consider the game in that context.

Ready to get existential?

BUY LOW SELL HIGH I’D LIKE TO MEET YOUR WIFE BUY LOW SELL HIGH

Zach — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 04:25:35 +0000

Cute graphics, evil story. You know the drill.

IF YOU HOVER OVER THE PROGRESS BARS IT SHOWS YOU PERCENTAGES OF PROGRESS!

Zach — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 06:47:25 +0000

YOU CAN PLAY IT ON THE INTERNET WITH NO INSTALLATION OR WHATEVER. I PREFER THE DOWNLOAD.

Zach — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 11:33:05 +0000

ProgressQuest is an RPG with the player abstracted out of it, or something. I find playing this game very therapeutic. There seems to be an active community and leaderboards and whatnot. Fuck that, I don’t need to know that I’m the 258th Mage Illusioner in the Expodrine Realm to know that I’m a fucking boss.

Do you think Slime Finger is a euphemism or a dysphemism?

There are downloads on the site. Windows, UNIX, Ubuntu repo. If you’re running OSX and you’re too much of a pussy to run Wine then I guess you’ll have to play it on the internet. Actually, even if you download it you should play it online once just for the experience (trust me).

Sweet, just achieved level 4!

THE STANDARD MINECRAFT TILESET REMINDS ME OF DOOM95 AND DOOM95 REMINDS ME OF S A T A N .

Zach — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 12:20:14 +0000

MINECRAF† UNHOLY TRINTY

THE BEST “TAKE ME BACK” EMAILS I GET ARE FROM THE BEST GIRLFRIEND I NEVER HAD: THE INTERNET.

Zach — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 20:05:04 +0000

Dear itcreeps,

Okay, I'm not good at this kind of thing, but I feel like I have to give it a try. So, here goes:

I was hanging out the other night, listening to some old mp3s, and I was just overcome with memories of when we used to hang out all the time. Remember? You were an intrepid, fearless adventurer, and I was the free-to-play, fun-and-funny online role-playing game that won your heart. Do you still remember those good times? I can't stop thinking about them.

I mean, I know things got kind of messed up at the end, and believe me, I'm sorry. If I could take any of that back, I totally would. And I know people grow and change, and you're not the same person you were then, but hey — I've changed, too! I thought and thought about how to win you back. I figured I'd make you a mix CD, but I couldn't decide what "our song" was. So I just concentrated on becoming a better game for you, and here's what I came up with:

Remember how much fun you used to have with your clan? Alternately, remember how you never joined a clan because you didn't see the point? Either way, clans now have clan dungeons, group zones where your whole clan can work together. Crawl through sewers to Hobopolis, a vast underground vagrant vacation vista! Slide into the slime tube, and stir-fry sassy slimes!

I know I wasn't the prettiest game when we were together, so I had some work done. Almost every interface got an interface-lift. You can even manage most of your inventory via chat commands! I also came up with a way for you to automate some of the things you don't love about the game, so you can spend more time with the parts you do love.

Not only that, but there are way more animated .gifs than there were before. Don't worry; I haven't lost that low-fi edginess you love, but I'm a lot easier to play with now.

You can also have a custom title now, just in case you didn't feel like I appreciated what made you unique as an individual.

I should also say
Haiku Dungeon's been revamped.
See what I did there?

Maybe you quit because you got sick of always adventuring above the water. I admit that seems unlikely, but I fixed that, too — there are a bunch of underwater zones with new food, equipment, mechanics, and challenges.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg, trust me. I'm still the silly, clever, deceptively-complex game you fell in love with, only with about 95% more awesome.

So, I'm just sayin', if you can find it in your heart to give me another chance, I won't disappoint you.

If you don't drop by, I promise I won't bother you again. I just really felt like we deserved one more try.

Love,

The Kingdom of Loathing.
http://www.kingdomofloathing.com

SO THEN I CLOSE STEAM AND TRY TO RE-OPEN IT BUT APPARENTLY IT’S BROKEN OR SOMETHING. THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO LAUNCH SOFTWARE – THE BROKEN WAY.

Zach — Fri, 14 May 2010 07:49:48 +0000

GAMING GETS YOU GIRLS NO JOKE. WANT TO COME AROUND AND WATCH ME SLAY KOBOLDS IN THE DUNGEONS OF DOOM?

Zach — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 16:59:49 +0000

THIS IS WHAT AN ACTUAL “GEEK” LOVE STORY IS LIKE. WITHOUT SPOILING ANYTHING THERE IS NO FUCKING FUCKYEAHGEEKGIRLS.TUMBLR.COM TO BE SEEN

Zach — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 19:08:45 +0000

It’s been kicking around the internet for a month or so now and I finished it on the plane just then – Digital is a love story set “five minutes into the future” of 1988 carried out over the BBS.

The interface is based on the Amiga 1.3 Workstation and it has everything from scanlines (disableable) and the ‘deedledeedledeedledeeeeeeSSHKKRRRRSHRRRRRR’ of the modem connecting.

You can get it here for PC, Mac and Linux.

Although you won’t feel like you’re saving the world or cleaning the streets it will make you feel like you’re a better person and I know you fuckers are all types of suckers for good will.

7 REASONS WHY PERFECT DARK IS BETTER THAN GOLDENEYE

Zach — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 06:00:16 +0000

7 Reasons Why Perfect Dark Is Better Than GoldenEye:

Gameplay; multiplayer; missions; aliens; the Carrington Institute; Dark sims; disarming NPCs.

IN THIS ONE BIT I HAD NO AMMUNITION FOR ANY OF MY GUNS AND I HAD TO RUN PAST A BLACK HEADCRAB THING AND A BLACK HEADCRAB ZOMBIE. I NEARLY DIED (IRL).

Zach — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 12:54:47 +0000

Tonight was a night I got drunk and made people watch me play Ravenholm because Ravenholm is too scary to be played on one’s own then I got carried away and played HL2 for another whole hour or so but it was super fun and I think this is a game that I will actually end up finishing unlike every game I have ever played apart from Cavestory.

I am a video game pussy. I can’t play Resident Evil and the thought of Silent Hill makes me want to die. The first thing you find out about Ravenholm is: “We don’t go there anymore.” The first thing you see in Ravenholm is some dude’s legs hanging from a rope from a tree and the first room in Ravenholm consists of this:

The first and only non-zombie you meet in Ravenholm is Father Grigori. This champ is some crazy Russian priest guy who, with his rifle Annabelle, spends his time “tending to [his] flock” and constructing traps for the zombies. Father Grigori is kind of scary himself as he appears out of nowhere all of the time to yell at the zombies and offer you advice. He is one of the two Chuck Taylor wearing father figures of my life.

IF I SEE THAT CAT ONE MORE TIME

Goss — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 07:57:56 +0000

If I don’t leave the house for a while, I’m busy cat-trapping.
TRAP THE PESKY CAT RIGHT HERE, PLAY NOWWWW

Sorry, I know you guys have more important things to do than play this game.

I WAS JUST HANGING OUT BUILDING SOME PEASANTS TO FARM FOR ME AND SUDDENLY WHAT THE FUCK HERE COMES A FUCKING ARMY – GO GET ‘EM, ONE MILITIA DUDE.

Zach — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 07:35:50 +0000

Yesterday I did the geekiest thing I have probably ever done in my life and I got my ass kicked doing it. We played a LAN of AOE2: Age of Kings and it turns out that my friends are waaaaay fucking better at RTSes than I am – especially Sam. Fuck you, Sam.

Next time we have a LAN we are either playing Doom or Warcraft II.

Or maybe I’ll start playing those alpha-phase rogue-likes that have multiplayer capabilities and we’ll start adventuring in dungeons together. Or maybe I’ll take this road to it’s logical conclusion and start playing WoW NO, JUST KIDDING I MEANT DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS.

I CALLED MY CHARACTER “ROB DONEY”. IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO THINK THAT MY DAD WILL BE RECOVERING THE WATER SYSTEM CHIP THAT VAULT 13 SO DESPERATELY NEEDS.

Zach — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 07:13:21 +0000

So… While we wait around for something to happen with our hosting and domain I guess this site is still working (I guess that means we’re still paying our old hosting some kind of money) so I guess that means I can blog!

Things I have achieved recently:

Installed a download manager thing called Aria 2.
Used Aria 2 to torrent Fallout.
Installed Fallout on Linux and applied some patches.
Didn’t actually do any real work other than get up at 2.30am to go make coffee at the airport.

Fallout on Linux

Hi, kids! I roll with the latest stable Debian 64 bit build (Lenny) and the latest version of WINE (1.0.1) and I used this torrent of Fallout. Nothing worked until I ran “winecfg” and changed the compatibility to Windows 98. Everything worked as it was meant to this way and I was running 1.0 (US edition, I believe) with no drama.

I didn’t bother with the official 1.1 patch, jumped straight to the semi-official 1.2 patch. I also installed the 1.3.4 TeamX patch and the Children Patch to put those little critters back in the game. Game ran waaay better with these patches (durr) – had to decapitalise all of the filenames to get it to start loading/saving again but that is just life. I really want to play it now but I need to blog and then I basically need to sleep.

OH MAN IT WAS SOOOO EXCITING! WHEN THAT TELEPORT TRAP HAPPENED I WAS LIKE, “OHFUCKNO” AND THEN A PACK OF GREY ELVES RAPED MY ASS ON MY WAY BACK DOWN. GRRRRRRRRR

Zach — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 12:49:00 +0000

Do I even need to say anything?

(I got to level 21! Yay! P.S. fuck you, teleport trap.)

YASD BECAUSE I FUCKING DIDN’T EVEN NEED TO EAT THAT PIECE OF SHIT. I WAS SO FUCKING MAD FOR ABOUT SIX MINUTES AND THEN I WAS ASLEEP.

Zach — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 01:23:39 +0000

Friday night, eh? Partytimes?

What kept you awake until 3am?

I WAS FUCKING MAD ABOUT THE GNOME LORD THING BECAUSE SHOULD HAVE JUST LEFT IT ALONE. INSTEAD I DECIDED TO EAT IT TO KEEP MY STRENGTH UP. YASD 4 LIFE.

Zach — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 08:40:15 +0000

Yo! I just started playing NETHACK, which is probably the hardest actual game that I’ve ever played in my life. Because I am too legit to quit, I play this shit without a GUI (GUIs are for pussies who like “3D” and “physics engines” and “bloom” and “shiny”)

I couldn’t be bothered making a nice screenshot of my NETHACK, so here are some characters embedded in “pre” tags that hopefully display properly, I have drama with pre tags on this server:

 You see here a silver ring.
                                           ------------
                                         ##.....!.....|
                                           |...........#          ------
                                          #...........|           |.*..|
                      ---------------   ###------------           |...(|
                      |..%...........|##########               ###-@...|
                      |...%...........###    #                 ## |....|
                      +.......< ......|       ###              ### |....|
                      ---------------          #              #   ------
                                               ###          ###
                                                 #          #
                                              ---.-----   ###
                                              |{......|   #
                                              |........####
                                              |.......|
                                              |.......|
                                              ---------
 Zach the Ronin St:11 Dx:13 Co:12 In:11 Wi:18 Ch:11  Lawful
 Dlvl:3  $:120 HP:39(41) Pw:36(36) AC:6  Exp:5 T:1073

EDIT: Fuck.

I keep fucking dying because NETHACK is brutal. Check it out:

You made the top ten list!

No Points Name Hp [max]
1 1350 zach-Val-Dwa-Fem-Law was poisoned in The Gnomish
Mines on level 5. Poisoned by a rotted gnome lord
corpse. 51 [51]
2 921 zach-Kni-Hum-Mal-Law died in The Dungeons of Doom on
level 5. Killed by a bugbear. – [43]
3 557 zach-Rog-Hum-Fem-Cha died in The Dungeons of Doom on
level 3. Killed by a kitten. – [23]

To give you a little perspective on just how brutal NETHACK is, here is a little excerpt from the man page (um, man pages are kind of “built-in-help” on UNIX-based systems):

To win the game (as opposed to merely playing to beat other people�s high scores) you must locate the Amulet of Yendor which is somewhere below the 20th level of the dungeon and get it out. Nobody has achieved this yet; anybody who does will probably go down in history as a hero among heros.

So, who is up for some serious 1987 gaming? I know I am.
P.S. Sorry if I don’t blog for a couple of days, I have some fucking kobold zombies to ruin.

I THINK THAT I’VE BLOGGED THIS BEFORE BUT I USED THE SEARCH FUNCTION AND DIDN’T FIND ANYTHING, SO I GUESS I’M IN THE CLEAR.

Zach — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 07:35:44 +0000

The other day my other favourite blog (still <3 you CH5) posted a fun little list of fun things that you can do for free on the Internet that aren’t porn or social networking (because social networking is more like work than fun). I played that jumpman game heaps and heaps and it reminded me of another fun, kind of simple, pixel-based indie game that I love.

Cave Story (Doukutsu Monogatari) is seriously the best game I’ve played on computer since the time I torrented Morrowind. I fucking love this game and everything to do with it. It has a really great storyline, really great graphics, really great gameplay, it’s free and it will run on heaps of old computers and shit and doesn’t require 3D anything.

DOWNLOAD THE GAME, IN ENGLISH, HERE

It has multiple endings like those special edition DVDs and shit but is way cooler because in a DVD you don’t get to “choose your path” unless Goosebumps have been released on DVD and I just never found out about it (could have happened).

The Wine AppDB gives this game a “Platinum” rating so you shouldn’t have any problems if you have Linux.

Aternatively, you can go to this page here and download many different versions of Cave Story courtesy of the homies that run that page. This might be a better idea than that shitty link I posted up there.

IN WHICH I BREAK UP WITH MINESWEEPER.

Zach — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:40:13 +0000

THIS WEBCOMIC/GAME IS REALLY, REALLY FUNNY.

Zach — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 08:37:56 +0000

I don’t know. It’s Christmas Eve, I was almost asleep twenty minutes ago.

Click on the picture to start to read Problem Sleuth. MS Paint Adventures blurs the line between game and webcomic. I have read this comic for two days straight. Make sure you have cookies enabled and remember to save your game.