SLEEP500 » high heels

I DIDN’T KNOW THERE WAS CRAIGLIST FOR NEW ZEALAND BEFORE TODAY. NOW THAT I DO YOU KNOW I AM GOING TO BE CHECKING IT EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Zach — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 03:32:14 +0000

Today some lady caught me checking out on some other middle-aged lady. I guess she thought I was checking out on her ass but I was actually checking out on her shoes:

Should’ve busted this on her:

But anyway, I want to find these heels so bad. You guys might be able to help me by checking out the craigslist ad I posted.

Thanks heaps,
Zach.

BEFORE VANILLA IS TRANSFORMED INTO YOUR MILKSHAKE OR ICECREAM OR WHATEVER IT IS BLACK SO YOU SHOULD DEFS GET BLACK ONES.

Zach — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:18:06 +0000

I don’t care if it makes me a sadist but I love it when girls wear high heels. There are, of course, some simple guidelines to follow when choosing high heels for your next night out standing in line at Shooters.

1) Keep it simple:
Just like a vanilla milkshake they need to be subtly classy. Class makes classics. Classics are timeless. You want to live forever? Here’s your ticket:

Done!

I heard about fashion last week or something and man am I cleaning things up around here.

WATCH OUT, GIRLS – ONE SIMPLE WARDROBE RELATED MISTAKE AND YOU COULD BASICALLY BE IN ANYONE’S LEAGUE. DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU.

Zach — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 05:57:23 +0000

So I’ve been seeing a heap of girls wearing leggings for pants which I don’t like that much because it looks kind of retarded but I also do kind of like because they seem to be that much closer to being naked and after a couple of weeks of touring you get this big hormone wash in your brain that obscures anything that a girl (or boy depending on how you roll) says in favour of just imagining what their neck would feel like if you rubbed your tongue on it for a bit.

Alright. It is ok to wear leggings as pants AS LONG AS you aren’t wearing Ugg boots. As soon as you wear ugg boots you are a 0/10 and I hope you die.

Wear leggings with really big high heels:

Exceptions (there are no exceptions to the Ugg boot rule): Jeggings.

Jeggings are fucking lamer. If you want to wear tight jeans just wear tight jeans.

Man, this is the hottest chick I’ve seen in a while. She’s doing a bunch of things right: Looks cute, has red hair, is on a farm somewhere getting in touch with nature (she is probably a modernist) and she is wearing something that doesn’t say, “LOOK AT MY FUCKING TITS!!!” She is also wearing cute high heels just like I always say and she almost, but not quite, has camel toe which is good because it reminds us that with great power comes great responsibility.

Unfortunately she is wearing some stupid belt and jeggings. While her jeggings are looking pretty sexy from here, when you get a bit closer you realise those seams are just a lie. Fuck that shit. Everyone knows chicks only wear pants because pants have seams and you can ride a seam to happiness in a room full of people. Wearing pants that are pretending to have a seam is like carrying around an mp3 player with no songs loaded on it.

What the fuck?