After cleaning up with Dove I got down to chilling on the internet. I leant on one of my hands and was like, “Gross! I fucking smell like bacon grease!” I got up and washed my hands, which didn’t do shit for some reason. So I brushed my teeth and instead of spitting the minty foam into the sink, I spat it on my hands and pretended it was soap.

I was so interested by this that I forgot to re-smell my hands afterwards.

I hate the smell of bacon or ham on my hands. Am I secretly a Jew? Life is so confusing.