You’ll Need:

• To read over this whole guide before you start, OK?
• A Developer’s Certificate.
• This 874k .ZIP file: Hello OX v2.03 and an SIS signer of some description.
• If you’ve been desperately scouring the Internet for information on this I feel your pain. Read through this whole guide, ALL OF IT and you should be on the right track.
• A USB cord for your phone.
• (Optional) Depending on the trouble you run into you might need Nokia Software updater to reinstall or update your firmware. I needed this.
• Probably a windows OS.¹

The programme you’re going to use to hack your phone is HelloOX v2.03. To use this programme you’re going to need a compatible cellphone/firmware. This list is a pretty good start.

If you don’t see your phone or whatever in that list HOPE IS NOT LOST! You’ll need to use the flashing/manual method. It doesn’t really seem much more complicated than what I went through but there are some more things to download and you’ll need to engage your brain. Here is an excellent tutorial which includes everything you need to download AND the author is active in the thread along with a dude called Rusnak (as of writing). Both of these people seem to be a great help, just be polite.

The Lowdown On What You’re Going To Do

• Get a Developer’s Certificate.
• Sign Hello OX v2.03
• Install Hello OX v2.03

If you’re here I’m guessing you don’t have a DevCert and since it’s after the 23rd of June ’11 you should read this (the first two paragraphs will do). What this means is that there are only two apps you can sign: Hello OX v2.03 and RomPatcher+. If your phone is in the list you’ll do fine. If not, you’ll need to use the other method.

Not v2.10, not v2.11, not v2.* ONLY v2.03.

I used the NokioTeca forums to get a DevCert. Follow these steps. You’ll have to wait a bit for your DevCert. Listen, I know it sucks. I know waiting for shit in the age of youtube/torrents etc is ludicrous but (as of writing) this is does work. JUST WAIT FOR A WHILE.

This is what happens: When the thread gets full enough the mods will close it and upload a small (<10kb) rar file with a DevCert that will work for all of the posters in the thread who put their IMEI in the appropriate field of their profile. I don’t know how this actually works, just that it worked for me. Timeframe estimates? The thread I was in got to 25 pages, but most of them close around 20 pages. If you’re a masochist you can sit around refreshing your page. I waited about two hours for mine but if you’re in those early pages you’ll be waiting longer. You could bookmark the thread, name the bookmark DEVCERT or something then clean your room and ring your mum.

Once you have your DevCert, get an SIS signer like the one from my .ZIP or elsewhere, I’m not sure it matters. Sign Hello OX v2.03. Install Hello OX v2.03. Restart your phone. Run Hello OX v2.03. It should map a drive, unpack a file, install a root certificate and then install RomPatcher+ 3.1 (or something like that order). The important thing is no step should take an inordinate amount of time and the whole install should be complete in about a minute. This didn’t happen for me. If it all works for you, click.

It seems that a common problem with the E63 phone (and some others) is that the installation hangs on “Unpacking files”. Various people recommend uninstalling, restarting your phone, installing, restarting and then running the application or hard resetting your phone and then installing, restarting etc but none of that worked for me.

If you can’t seem to get the install to work you’re going to need to reinstall the firmware. Now, this isn’t a big deal, it just takes a few minutes (and a ~100mb firmware download). Open Nokia PC Suite and do a backup of your phone. A firmware reinstall will wipe your phone but you can reapply your backup afterwards*. Google “Nokia Softare Updater” and install that. This is the programme that will update your firmware. Some forum kid recommended doing a hard reset of your phone before reinstalling the firmware. I’m not sure if this’ll help, but it only takes a minute so you might as well do it. MAKE SURE YOU’VE BACKED UP YOUR PHONE BEFORE YOU DO THIS BIT. Hold down the green phone button, 3 and * while turning your phone on. Keep holding them until the handshake thing comes up. Then set your country and date. Now run Nokia Software Updater with your phone plugged into the computer set to PC Suite mode.

* I didn’t apply the full backup for fear of overwriting the successful hack. More on this in a bit. Remember: Read everything.

When the update has downloaded and been applied the phone will restart. Go to your application manager > settings and change the “Software Installtion” to “All”. Put your signed Hello OX v2.03 into the PHONE MEMORY (this was another thing the forum kid said) and install it. BEFORE RUNNING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME you should restart your phone. Once back in, run Hello OX v2.03. It should install successfully and you’ll have both Hello OX and ROMPatcher+ in your Installations folder. Have a look in ROMPatcher+ and apply the patch if it isn’t already. Congratulations, your phone is hacked.

You can now install SOME of your backup. Because installing the full backup will overwrite some of the files on your new phone I chose not to apply “User files on phone” or “Settings”. This meant that I had to do all of the configuration that I did when I got the phone new but I’ll let you in on a little secret: I actually like doing that stuff.

Some Final Notes

It may look like I visited one forum and followed some nice tutorials to do this hack but that wasn’t the case. What made this hack rather hard was the amount of well-indexed, obsolete information on Hello OX2 et al, the Symbian OS (all versions) and the plethora of methods for signing a DevCert, most of which no longer exist or return limited functionality (like the symbiansigned/FFExplorer method).

There is a glut of information and programmes on i-Pmart. and their community is very active.

Something I found really useful whilst researching and executing this hack was Firefox’s Panorama function. It’s present in 6.0 beta (possibly 6.0 stable as well, that came out today). Ctrl+Shift+E should get you there, Cmd+Shift+E on those silver laptops.

The Internet is physically stored on servers (most of which are in the U.S.A. Go here and search some sites for proof) and is distributed to our computers all around the world through these submarine and subterranean cables. The total bandwidth a country can consume is dictated by the total bandwidth the cables can carry. Bear in mind that phone traffic and internet traffic travel through the same cable.

New Zealand only has one cable supplying the Internet to us. The total amount of bandwidth that cable can carry is either 860 gigabits per second or 1.2 terabits per second (Wikipedia isn’t clear if the planned upgrade has occurred or not). The reason internet isn’t getting faster is a hardware reason: The information can’t all get to us faster because it all has to come down one pipe and the pipe can only carry so much of it at one time. More and more people are transferring more and more information over that one cable. Basically, every dumb motherfucker updating facebook with WAT U DOIN 2NYT is ruining the internet for everyone else who is just trying to torrent copyrighted material.

That Wikipedia page says the cable has a proposed upgrade to 2.4Tbp/s, which sounds pretty good but basically until we get another cable the internet isn’t going to get faster.

EDIT: Joff provides some nice details which add a lot of good understanding. The last line of this post is now this:

…basically until we get another cable the internet isn’t going to get cheaper.

When recording with a Tascam US-122 USB interface on OS X Leopard (10.6) you will get better performance if you run it through a powered USB hub.

OS X Leopard is loathe to allot heaps of power to any one of the USB ports. The interface needs a lot of power to work properly. If you do a clean install of Tascam's 3.4 driver every time you unplug the interface it might work. For me it varied day-to-day but it probably worked 3/5 times. I saw some kids on the internet saying that it worked fine for them but they might be using desktop computers rather than laptops.

I bought a 4-port hub for 22NZD from Affordable Computer (pretty sure that's the place) and everything seems to work fine now. I also bought a new interface but I have to wait for that to make its way to me via a residential address in the US. I looked at online remailing services but they were exceedingly expensive for insured, tracked shipping.

This post has not only helped you learn how to get that particular interface to work with OS X and also the difference between "allot" and "a lot". NB: "alot" is not a word.

TL;DR: US-122 + powered hub = things work.

But anyway – some company (who cares) have developed something called “Suma”. It is a little thing that you hold in your hand that responds to pressure (like squeezing) and has an accelerometer (so it can tell when you throw it across the room). They’re marketing this as a controller for 3D games but this is just another step in developing a nerve centre for computers that you can threaten. I bet they put a heat sensor in it so “the game can respond to exertion and fear levels” but you fucking know it’s for retards who are trying to render video and watch porn on their low-end systems, “Fucking hold the lighter under it again. That’ll make it work better.”

I doubt any failed rapper could fit this many screens in a car. The thing about those CRT screens is they have heaps of glass in the front of them and I’m pretty sure suckers will pay mad $$$ for ice so basically:

Crappy CRT screens =

This is good because I need new ways to GET PAID because I’m about to apply for about a month of leave and I’m not sure if work will tolerate that on top of eight hours of nethack per day. There are, however, downsides to all of these lumps of plastic and metal:

For now instead of referring to the ubiquitous “companies” I am proposing a company by the name of “Suffice.” Suffice will be a large, multi-national affair with heaps of money. Probably some kind of product of the merger of a bunch of software, hardware and engineering firms or something convenient like that. Anyway – how the company came about is not important. Suffice will probably work with, and be subsidised by, the various governments that require Suffice’s services.

Suffice will sell realisation and will be viewed as a utility, much like a telecommunications company. To encourage realisation, the government would subsidise the cost of realisation for various things. Certain sectors of the employment industry will be the first things to be realised. Any job which is largely conducted from an office or on a computer will be prime candidate for realisation.

The company would sell most, or all, of its current real estate to Suffice (or the government, depending on who is paying for the business to be realised) and Suffice would fill this space with the computing power required to virtualise the business. In the early days this would probably consist of servers in shipping crates, much like Google’s server farms. Later, these facilities would be replaced with something more permanent.

Once realisation has become more of an everyday event, businesses will be eager to convert because they will save money by not being in the physical realm. If a business does not occupy real estate they will not pay rent. Nor do they need to conduct maintenance on their building or train their staff in basic first aid. A business that formerly occupied two floors of a large, inner city building would no longer need to pay window cleaners. Staff that exist virtually will not be as prone to physical injury in the virtual world, therefore companies will not need to train employees in first aid or have fire escape plans.

Understandably, this is seems to be a very far-fetched and imaginative idea. However, technologies exist today that could very easily be the ancestors for the future that I am examining here. Cloud computing is the process where resources are provided over the Internet. These resources are virtual and are stored on servers. The users of cloud computing access these resources through a tool like a web browser. If we take this technology to it’s conclusion, we can conceive entire companies existing virtually and being access through some kind of tool – in this case networked virtual reality.

Right now the owners of the Pirate Bay are trying to figure out a way to turn their massive, questionably legal, service into a massive, soundly legal service. They are talking to big record companies and are going to create some kind of scheme where users share their personal system resources in exchange for the Pirate Bay service. What I think this means is that the Universal Music Group are going to give people certain albums for a monthly subscription fee that is collected by the Pirate Bay. In turn, users will have the opportunity to seed these files to a large group of people consisting of other users in the Pirate Bay’s service and other people who are downloading the file from iTunes or Amazon or wherever it is they have paid for the music. The Pirate Bay will sell this pool of resources to companies and this will provide them with the resources to continue running their service.

If I understand cloud computing correctly, this will create a massive cloud of computing resources that is analogous to businesses working in realised environments: Consider the files that Pirate Bay users download and seed to be actual time a user spends on a given task. Consider the Internet to be networked virtual reality. Rather than have a user download and seed a file, have an employee complete an activity in a realised environment. Today someone might download a game and seed it to other people. Tomorrow someone might create the sequel to that game from a realised software business. The Pirate Bay provides the service for that user to seed the game today. Suffice provides the service for the development of the sequel tomorrow. Suffice will basically be turning every business it realises into clouds.

Have I done an adequate job of explaining this? I am more than happy to present examples of why I believe this is feasible. If you have lengthy thoughts on this subject, please email them to me rather than write eight-hundred words in the comment box.

Although I didn’t make it clear, the little piece of chipmusic attached to the end of the first VR essay is my debut chipmusic release. Here is my second one. They are meant to be taken in context of these essays.

Today I read an article about the “new” phenomenon of “sexting” or “sxting”. Sxting is when you stick you phone down your pants and take a photo of your STDs and send them to your friends under the guise of “erotica”. Lots of kids have started doing it and some of them are getting mad busted and labelled as sex-offenders for taking pictures of themselves because they are underage.

I think it is funny that kids are labelled pedophiles for taking photos of themselves. I also think that this is just something that kids are going to do like kissing and drinking before they are allowed to and putting their fingers in each other’s holes when they think no one else is home and all of the other things you did when you were a kid like going for a walk in the park so you can look at some chick’s tits in the bushes.

Do you guys sxt each other? The closest thing I have ever received to a sxt is when my girlfriend had chicken-pox and sent me a photo of her stomach.

Anyway, this new wave of amateur porn bores the fuck out of me just like the old wave of amateur porn (you and your shitty webcam and your plain boyfriend enjoying some kind of hug in a poorly lit room). I don’t know if I’m meant to be disgusted or offended. Instead, I am aroused.

Look, I posted a real blog! Now for an image to top it all off!

Man, I write bangers every day.

WHAT A SHITTY QUALITY IMAGE – I KNOW BUT FUUUUUUUUUUUUU I WANT ONE OF THESE.

If you wanted to sleep with me you could do so by providing me with all of the equipment needed to build this great machine.

The opportunity cost of playing with my computer is sometimes far too tempting to pass up.

Tonight I am sick, and confined to bed. To ease my pain, I made the mistake of switching on the TV. Normally I stay well away from TV (apart from documentary/discovery/NBA highlights) so tonight I was somewhat unprepared for what I was about to witness.
Target just finished. It was possibly the most retarded thing I have ever seen in my life.

Tonight on target, they tested four mp3 players, an ipod touch, and ipod nano, a sony player and a samsung player. I wouldn’t let elemeno p make me god-damn toast as they could probably find a way to make jam and hot bread SHIT, but the morons at tv3 decided these idiots would be ideal to review mp3 players.

After watching this, I am now officially able to tell you how to:
a) be a stylish band that comes across as knowing lots about technology as well as how to make amazing music
b) be a crafty consumer, buy an IPOD NANO as it is GOOD.

Seriously. This show was packed with lots of comments that you would expect, like “I could just move my fingers across the screen and things would happen”. I’m glad I know this now, I was under the impression that a “touch screen” was something you stood behind at the airport when the nice men thought you were importing things that make your brain funny.

So yeah, even though the Ipod Nano has a shitty battery life, shit headphones, and shit sound quality, you should buy it. BUY IT.
To reiterate:

THEN I FOUND THIS:

Click on the image for full-size. Click here if you don’t see this in your RSS reader. It’s a .GIF so you probably won’t.

Things I know about this bent Casio SK-1
1) Nothing except this excerpt from the site:

Customized SK-1 with many options such as pitch and poly dials, body contacts, 
bending patch bays, LFO, Bending switches, reset switch etc.

2) Wow! It looks really cool! I bet synth nerds cry about this mod.
3) ???
4) If you care about this (or you want one) you should click on this text.

Cool, hopefully this was just a bit of fun and not an advertisement for someone’s stuff. Oh, well.

NOTE: This works in Windows XP. I guess it probably works in Vista. Mac users – soz, I didn’t try this with a Mac virtual machine BUT as soon as you have mounted the DOS bootdisk the steps with be the same (probably). Linux kiddies – I haven’t tried this in Linux, soz. I might do it later and then post an update.

The files that you will need for this project are contained in this rar file. Download that shit (maybe this is illegal, but Windows 3.11 is abandonware so I don’t think they are going to care). It is a 16.1mb download so you aren’t going to be breaking the bandwidth bank. You will also need to download a virtual pc. The one I used is here. You can probz do this on the 2007 one, but the file is about 15mb bigger or something. MSVPC2004 is 18mb.

Step 1: Install Virtual PC

I don’t think you need instructions for this.

Step 2: Create A Virtual Hard Disk

You can find the hard disk Wizard in the “File” menu. Put the hard disk wherever you want it. VPC creates a new directory called “My Virtual Machines” so you could put it in there.

MAKE IT FIXED SIZE. You don’t really want a 2GB (default) virtual machine because you don’t have 2GB work of stuff to put on it (yet). On the next page you can specify how big it is. 50MB should be plenty.

Step 3: Create A Virtual Machine

This one will do for us.

Put this where you want it. A useful name would be the name of the OS that you were going to put on it. A more useful name would be “Shank A Bitch And Eat What Comes Out.”

You don’t need an image for the next screen. If you have VPC 2004, you should choose “MS-DOS” or “Other”. If you have VPC 2007, just choose “Other”. On the next screen adjust the RAM to 64MB. DOS can handle it. When it asks for a hard disk, navigate to where you put your hard disk and select it.

Step 4:Start Your Machine

You: “Yaaay, Zach. Look how much stuff I can do!”

Step 5: Make Your Machine Do Something

I know that this is all very exciting with the flashing prompt, but you can’t really do shit right now. Go to the “CD” menu of VPC and select “Capture ISO Image…” browse to wherever you extracted the gift from sleep500 and mount the .iso in the DOS 6.22 folder.

That will yield this prompt screen:

You have successfully mounted a bootdisk of MS-DOS 6.22. Now we need to format some of the virtual hard disk space so we can use it for Windows. On this DOS bootdisk are some tools including a format tool. To see what is on the disk, type “DIR” (all commands are to be typed without quotes). To see this screen by screen type “DIR /P”.

Step6: Format A Drive

Before we format the drive we have to create the space. We will use a tool called “FDISK”. So enter “FDISK”

We want to create a DOS partition so enter “1″. And it is a Primary partition so enter “1″ again. It will ask you if you want to make use the maximum size available. We do, so answer “Y”. Then it will restart. Now we need to format this disk space you have created. Type “FORMAT C:”. It gives a warning about losing non-existent data. It will format your drive then ask you to label it. I’ve called mine “Windows.”

Step 7: Install Windows 3.11

Ok. Now we are going to install Windows. Wait, to check if your format worked, type “C:”. If the prompt changes to “C:\>” then you are a winner. If not, you’ve fucked up and I can’t help you.

To install Windows you need to mount the floppy images by going to the “Floppy” menu of VPC and browsing to wherever the floppy images are. The Windows 3.11 floppy images are .IMA files and they AREN’T in the folder they are meant to be because I fucked up. The images are in the “winimage” folder. Mount “WIN1.IMA”. Change the prompt to “B:” the same way you just changed it to “C:”. You can use the “DIR” commands in this folder as well.

Type “SETUP.EXE”

This will yield a screen that looks like the above. Advance to the next screen. “Express Setup” is probably the way to go but do “Custom” if you are hardcore. Now it will start installing Windows. Your computer will probably give you that horrendous system beep [TIP: MUTE YOUR COMPUTER - this may not work for desktops]. That is ok – it means that things are working. You’ll need mount the next floppy image when it asks you to. After disk 3 you’ll come to an actual GUI, which is exciting! Enter a name and a company:

Darth Vader is the registered user of all of my Windows products.

When you are in Windows 3.11 it will probably trap your mouse, meaning you won’t be able to just drag the cursor out of VPC. Press the right alt to free up the cursor.

It will then give you some kind of error about installing system files on the A: drive. You don’t want them there so just choose “Cancel.” Play the insert floppy game a couple more times and then you will get the might of personal computing circa 1992.

After some stuff you will be returned to DOS. Type “win”.

YOU SUCCEED AT LIFE!

For some reason there are six floppies, but it installs off five of them. You can play around with putting the files from the sixth floppy into the C: drive. If you close VPC and want to play with Windows you’ll need to have that .iso image loaded for DOS to work. Windows 3.11 is basically just a GUI for DOS. Change the prompt to C: and type “CD WINDOWS” (“CD” = Change Directory”). To launch Windows use “WIN”.

Now you’ll want to know what your fresh install of Windows can do. Well, it basically can’t do anything, but it was fun to install! Later I am going to try to get mine on the Internet. If that works there will be another one of these.

Before we get into the symptoms, lets make one thing clear: THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT DOUCHES WHO OWN AND USE MACS.
Although they exist, these people are relatively rare. They are also rarely heard of, because they know that they can use a mac quite happily without having to scream to anyone in earshot about how much better it is than every other computer ever. Although within some of these people lies a dormant strain of the macuser disease, which we will get onto later.

Some of the common symptoms of macuser-itis are as follows:

On the topic of computing, and infected person will often be unable to control outbursts such as “BUT HAVN’T YOU SEEN THE MAC ADS!? THEY’RE SO CUTTING EDGE BUT SO CHEEKY AND SIMPLE THAT EVEN I CAN UNDERSTAND THEM IN IE5″

This is a mac ad. Macuseritis will make people take from this: “LOL i dnt wanna be old, and i dnt wana wear a suit… i wana be populr! i beta get a mac!!”
A normal person who is not infected will see that:
The dude in the suit is fucking waving, and I’m betting you didn’t even wave at him. How friendly!!! The other guy is looking at you riiiiiight now thinking about how much he’s not gonna wave, because he’s “higher up in the social food chain” than you. PS the dude in the suit: had fucking HEEAAAPPPSS of fun in his youth, but balanced it out with a good education and now gets a heap of ca$h money$$$ for chilling with his homies and driving round the Lambo picking up high class hookers. The other dude is currently failing a BCOM in marketing (CHANGINGTEHWORLD) and spends too much time trying to set trends on the strip and bang whory girls with the letter Z in their name. Oh and he wears slipon vans.

A lot of the other symptoms that go with this condition are mostly related to spouting a load of crap to other people about how macs are the best computers and they run everything so much better than everything else. Although this is fucking retarded, it is nice for the rest of us as it lets us know who to avoid. Did you know that there are people out there who actually believe that if you buy a desktop that isn’t mac, you HAVE to run winnydows vista? Linux is for palm pilots.
As for the “MACX DONT GET NNE VIRUSES CUZ HACKERS LIKEM SO MUCH THEY DONT MAKE VIRUSES FOR THEM”: it’s easy enough to keep away viruses, you just have to not be semi retarded.
Also: HAHAHA YOU HAVE NO RIGHT CLICK FAGS, OH AND THE NEW MACBOOK PROS DON’T EVEN HAVE REGULAR FIREWARE SHOT STEEEEEVE.

Basically if you have a mac you should get rid of it, as the risk of contracting this illness is too high to be worth it. If you can tell me why macs are better than other computers and why osx or leopard or watevs is a superior os, leave a comment saying why and I will gladly prove you wrong and call you an idiot.

With that in mind I will conduct a multi-part blog series in which we will discuss maintaining your computer. The operating systems I will attempt to cover will be Windows (XP and probably Vista as well because they are kind of similar), Ubuntu (not sure how similar it is to other flavours, but it is the one I use) and I’ll talk a bit about OS X and why you should use things like Vi(m) and shells.

Note: I having little technical knowledge about computers – I have more knowledge about cosmetics and aesthetics in operating systems.

NB: This blog assumes that you have at least working knowledge of torrenting.

Windows: Virus Protection

If you run Windows it is important to have virus protection. Free virus protection is easy to come by – AVG being the most popular and probably “best” but all of the freeware virus protection is only good to an extent in my experience. That is fine, but if you want to spend a little more time to get something that is a bit better you should torrent ESET virus protection. Just get the latest one that works by converting a full-version suite to a trail-version that never stops upadting. The one I got came with a .pdf that showed you how to do a registry hack. I’ve run this on my laptop (XP) and two machines running Vista. This virus protection is the business. Make sure you remove all of your other virus protection before installing this.

I think this is a good way to get free (stolen) virus protection. The registry hack is great because it shows you how the registry isn’t this sacred place where one must not tamper under threat of death. Remember that if you fuck your OS you can always reinstall it. If you can, make sure you have backups of your important things on an external hardrive somewhere and on that HD have a copy of your OS that you have torrented.

I hope this was some kind of interesting.

As such, I’ll prob end up having heaps off silly spelling mistakes and shit, but whatevs, you can comment and point them out and I will give you a prize

This is what Vim looks like when you open it:

Sup kiddies, so know that you’ve opened vi, you’ll want to write some stuff, probz. You’ve got to press `i’ to Insert text. When you’ve written what you want you need to press Esc to get out of Insert mode.
To save the file type a colon, then `w’ (for Write) then a file name.
To quit, `:q’.
To write and quit, `:wq’.
To quit without making any changes: `:q!’.
An alternate method to save&quit is `Shift+ZZ’. Use that for your own files, like your mad rapz that you keep in your blog folder so you always will remember them. Use :q! for when you are haxxing system files but still want your computer to boot properly if you have been getting too 1337 on your `interfaces’ file like I manage to do ALL OF THE TIME.

To navigate in vi, use H,J,K and L. These keys are left, down, up and right, respectively. Your arrow keys might work, but you should use the letter keys because they are way more xcorex than the arrow keys and if you want to play nethacks you’ll need them.

`x’ will spot delete and `dd’ will delete entire lines when you are in normal mode (not insert or any of the other qrazy modes that you can use). When you backspace something in insert mode, it will not disappear, but the cursor will move past it. You can type over this text, or press Esc and it will disappear. I don’t know why vi does this, but there is probz some awesome historical reason for it.

Anyway, this was meant to be the first of the Technology posts, but I didn’t post it because I didn’t think it was that helpful. You kiddies are all about your Word or whatever (you should use OpenOffice, though) and don’t have time for vi. Vi is meanies and hopef you can get some steez from the kiddies for using it.

Vim can make you this much of a man:

I can’t remember where I got my Windows vi from, but Google `vi’ or `vim’ or `gvim’ with windows and you should probably find it. Vim is open-source software so you won’t have to pay for it. All software should be like this and you should go out of your way to use open-source stuff because I say so.