Things My New Computer Can Do That My Old One Can’t

• Stay on when unplugged for more than twenty minutes

Things My New Computer Can’t Do That My Old One Can

• Run NetHack in the shell. Seriously – I can’t “install Rosetta” because I thought the whole deal with fucking Apple computers is they are good to go out of the box and you don’t need to do a big install disk thing to get the software you want. Even the Dell desktop my Dad bought ran everything out of the box. And seriously, NetHack? We’re not talking crazy complicated shit here.
• Record from the soundcard. It doesn’t have a mic input. So much for my credible music career. I thought buying a mac would confirm me as an artist? This sucks.
• Score me mad babes. Man, when I had my Linux laptop babes would fucking die to listen to me tell them about my operating system and watch me run ‘ls’ on a directory or two. Now they don’t even come near me even though my computer is a million times shinier.

Fuck this, I should probably take this piece of shit back to the shop.

In addition to Tumblr I have this thing that kind of goes hand in hand with it, called FormSpring, which is a forum for people to leave you anonymous messages re: you, them and “how many drugs have you taken lol”. But sometimes you get questions asked that make it kind of worthwhile, like stuff about porn stars! I thought this would be relevant to sleep500’s interests, since you all love a good tag team fucking.

Dear Katie, As a hip young thing and, more importantly, an intelligent young woman, what are your thoughts on Sasha Gray (the ‘new breed’ of pornstar)?

I actually watched a video of Sasha Gray so I could try answer this well (not that I have answered it well at all). I don’t have a PROBLEM with porn, I just don’t watch it, because I don’t have the urge to and because every time I’ve watched it I can’t get past how overwhelmingly fake it is. I guess guys are too busy focusing on their dicks to bother with the “OH. OH. OHHHH. FUCK. Oh.” apathetic ~outside voices~ the girls use.

Sasha Gray freaked me out a bit, I watched some video where two guys fucked her at once. When they both had their dicks in her vag (they started off one in each hole but I guess that wasn’t extreme enough) she looked directly into the camera saying things like “Oh. Baby. I am dirty.” completely monotone. It mainly just left me worried for her mental well being. In her mind she probably sees it as some kind of weird feminism – she’s being fucked and dominated by creepy guys in a pretty demeaning way, but she’s still in control of the camera and it’s hard to stop looking at her intense dead sex eyes. She’s a fierce independent woman with cum in her eye. I think that’s what she’s going for.

I’m not really sure where this is going. Porn is fucking weird. I think meeting Sasha Gray would be pretty interesting though, and seeing how she acts with a cup of tea in her mouth instead of a dick.

PS. Does it make me a real journalist because I did research? After the Sasha Grey video I watched a huge bald guy get his WHOLE HEAD in some chick’s vag. I didn’t really have any journalistic intentions while watching it, but that shit is messed up. If you want to watch it, I think it was called something like ‘man attempts to re-enter womb’.

Spit.

To achieve total enlightenment/nirvana; passes time.

This evening I read this and nearly died laughing.

I’m trying to share it everywhere so just bear with me.

Empathy; communication; literacy.

P.S. I hate hippies.

It’s boring; the stories generally go on for way too long; it’s better on the Internet; you always feel like interrupting with, “This’d be better if you could show me.”

They don’t actually give a fuck about sick people; they only fund studies to support and publicize their products; they misrepresent findings/statistics from said studies; they pay doctors to prescribe their drugs; they promote specialised solutions over general ones (their drug instead of a balanced diet, regular exercise and sleep).

Working motivates you to pursue some that doesn’t feel like work but earns money; not having to deal with the Department of Work & Income; not doing anything demotivates you and makes you boring, bored and depresses; the dole doesn’t pay shit; you think you can fucking them but they can fully fuck you harder; you think you’ll have more time to pursue your ‘art’ but what you really pursue is Internet porn.

Gameplay; multiplayer; missions; aliens; the Carrington Institute; Dark sims; disarming NPCs.

Should’ve busted this on her:

But anyway, I want to find these heels so bad. You guys might be able to help me by checking out the craigslist ad I posted.

Thanks heaps,
Zach.

Although people in general are terrible, individuals tend to be fairly interesting; no one likes an egotist/megalomaniac; only listening to yourself gives you an infated opinion of yourself and other people can help you put this in perspective; getting punched in the face isn’t fun or cool; if you listen to people you’re more likely to get laid. True story.; other people may have solutions to your problems; if you don’t listen to anyone no one will listen to you / being lonely sucks; sometimes other people are way smarter than you are.

Fantasizing about sex when you’re at work/travelling/pretending to be reading/talking to someone; it makes reading books like discovering new worlds; you empathise with people to a larger degree; it helps with foresight; you can test out your crazy theories on yourself; you can drop someone into a mincer and spray them all over their greedy parents and not get in trouble; you’re better at lying; you can turn a funny tree into a spaceship and fight aliens for hours; you can create alternate lives for people and make them jealous of themselves.

If it makes you feel better not only did I pull out, but I woke up before I could come.

• 1) Keep it simple:
  Just like a vanilla milkshake they need to be subtly classy. Class makes classics. Classics are timeless. You want to live forever? Here’s your ticket:

  

Done!

I heard about fashion last week or something and man am I cleaning things up around here.

You can’t block advertising live; you have no control over the timetable; for any real choice you have to pay more; T.V. starts shitty trends like the one where cougars are sexy; is the drug of the (inter)nation; day time T.V.; Zumba; The Simpsons; T.V. personalities like that British guy from C4; the porn isn’t any good.

Context. More context.

I like small boobs; it is a measure to censor imagination; it will encourage more breast ‘enhancement’ surgery; I bet it’s because old dudes fucking love big, floppy tits and who writes the rules? Old dudes, that’s who.; small dicks aren’t banned from prono; because next they’ll ban ’school’ uniforms; because small tits will become more fringe/fetish porn and therefore probably hairier and full of stuff I don’t care about (like footjobs); it will make porn even more sexist; Sasha Grey will get pissed off; girls in porn will look even more similar; big, floppy tits are gross and belong in the U.K. / aren’t nicer than small, pert tits (no joke).

Those of you who’ve been reading for a while will recognise the first two tracks and the album concept from the virtual reality essays. If anyone I worked with ever read this they’d remember this from those couple of weeks that I non-stop talked about the future.

You can find Never on 8bitcollective and chipmusic.org but unless you’ve accounts at either of those places I’d just visit the website.

Here is the last track on the release in HTML5:

Hit up never.sleep500.com and grab it.